i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so let's talk penis.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
