His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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