I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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