My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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