HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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