I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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