You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
