I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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