omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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