I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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