You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
