So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
