DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
