shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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