She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
