we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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