i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
