We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
