what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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