He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
