I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
