Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bring me that man meat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
