i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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