Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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