Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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