my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
