My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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