Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
