That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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