I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I AM VODKA MAN
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
