wanna go halves on a baby?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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