So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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