I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
