I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
