I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
