Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
