Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My life is pants optional.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
