so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
