He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
