TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
