i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
