so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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