we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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