erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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