Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
