i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
