know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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