Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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