where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
