you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
