you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
