FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
