Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
