Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
