Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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