Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
