At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
