Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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