He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
