She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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