You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
