This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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