so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
