he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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