Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize