I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
