Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
