Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
