chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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